dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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