I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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