like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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