broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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