you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
