guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i've created a new STD.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
