i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
