dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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