Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
