I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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