omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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