somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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