haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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