i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
