he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
