just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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