I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize