it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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