how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
