Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
