sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
