mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
