What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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