How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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