it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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