I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
