I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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