All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize