don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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