Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
