I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
