I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
