I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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