Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
