No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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