Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
