You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
