the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
