I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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