Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
