seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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