we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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