So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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