why didn't you poke me back
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
