Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
