is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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