Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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