Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
