Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
