Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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