i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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